“Above all, clothe yourselves with love,
which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts,
to which indeed you were called in the one body.
And be thankful.”
-Colossians 3:14-15
When I was growing up, a lot of attention went into what my siblings and I would wear to church, and to family gatherings, especially around the holidays. (Let’s give my parents a break: it was a Catholic reaction to the casualness of the 70s and a participation in the status driven 80s. We have evolved.) I was just home for the big ol’ Irish Catholic funeral of my dear Aunt Alice and looking at photos from family gatherings…and nearly burst into tears when I saw those red patent leather shoes I wore when I was six years old. I was devoted to them the way I was devoted to my tiny first communion book with all the pictures of the stations of the cross.
I don’t really fuss over fancy holiday outfits anymore, although I do not show up to a holiday table in my “yoga pants” (we need the quotes there, I am sorry to say) or a sweatshirt. It’s not an everyday meal, after all. As I have in years past, I will gather again with my children, their beloveds, and our extended family in LA to satisfy a very different hunger: for belonging, for identity, for rest and being held in the family we have and the family we have actively chosen.
“Clothe yourselves in love,” says the apostle Paul. Ok buddy…what does that look like? Well, let’s check out a letter Paul wrote to a different bunch of novice followers of Jesus for notes on that (1 Cor 13: 4-8):
Love is patient. It’s not in a hurry to get a second helping, nor is it tapping its foot while the most elderly person at the table is telling a rambling story or the youngest person at the table refuses to stop whining while we are saying the blessing. Love is the one eating slowly with reverence for the food and all the energy it took to get it to the table, and enjoying each flavor with wonder and delight.
Love is kind. It might get up and help with the dishes even when it wants to sit on the couch and watch TV with the cousins. It might sit down on the couch, in kindness to self, and encourage one of the cousins to stand in front of the sink for a minute because it made most of the meal today.
Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It will likely trust that it belongs at the table, and in the circle of family warmth, even if it doesn’t brag about its children’s college achievements or describe the latest professional or social successes to impress the assembled friends and relatives. Love will try humility on for size and make itself available to feel what it’s like to just be here and not have to perform or compete. It will definitely not insist on being congratulated for its delicious side dish and probably enjoy the beauty of everything on the plate. It knows that it doesn’t need to stand out or separate in order to connect and sometimes that rudeness is a cover for hurt.
Love does not insist on its own way. Love says if mom wants to hear from everyone at the table what they are most thankful for before we eat, or as part of the prayer, then it will gracefully allow that, and perhaps watch mom’s face as everyone shares and notice how much she values intentional gratitude from this family. Love is as okay with maintaining tradition as it is with being flexible and open because the needs of those gathered may have changed.
Love is not irritable or resentful. It can actually tolerate someone’s alternative political views or greater, deserved or not, financial freedom and power because it trusts in the mercy and abundance of a loving God, and believes that we all just want to be heard, to feel safe, to be seen and why would it be mad if someone reaches for attention and safety inelegantly? It sees through things, and sits next to people as they are, receiving them without pushing ego or righteousness across the table.
Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing. It will pass on servings of schadenfreude and feel compassion, not superiority, when someone has a hard time or pays dearly for mistakes made, with a secret “better you than me” feeling. Love rejoices in accountability and repair, but not the failing itself.
Love rejoices in the truth. “The reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me,” said Jesus to Pilate in last Sunday’s gospel. Love is always going to be so pleased when the truth is told, when it is held with honor, especially if the truth is a painful or an embarrassing thing to witness. The truth will set us free, and my brothers and sisters, says Love, you were called to be free!
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It is relentlessly optimistic and willing to give people the first best thought, over and over again. It is willing to keep showing up and trying to stay present, even if it knows better. “Love,” said James Baldwin, “takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” It never gives up and always turns out.
Love never ends. And nothing we can do or not do, say or not say, can make Love stop loving. It knows that we are, each of us, unshakably good and deeply beloved. No matter what.
Now you know what to wear. While you get dressed, remember that you all belong to each other, intimately. “And be thankful.”
With gratitude for you all,
Sarah Christopher
Associate Pastor
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